A satirical farce in the spirit of the comic Captain Underpants
Little Sami, our “our aspirational data thief” was feeling distraught two weeks after the death of his father, an agent of the Stealsi. Not because his father was dead, but that there was little left to steal that was obvious and easy. Other children of the Stealsi his age had already made big steals. One kid stood in front of his TV and recorded all of the streaming movies he had access to, then uploaded it to the RatPoiGPT chat interface of the company FakeAGI. Another kid recorded songs of birds in the forest, shot the birds with a pellet gun, then replaced them with fake Generative AI bird songs that almost sounded real by placing solar powered speakers in the forest.
This brilliant kid was one of the lucky ones, he later got to do gig work delivering ecommerce packages to some of the billionaires in the Atherton area of the Bay Area via the special Gig App: “ObeyRabbit”. It seemed a bit overwhelming to little Sami, and a bit unfair, all the good ideas were taken, and all the good data was already stolen. One day though, inspiration struck as he hunched over a smartphone scrolling on social media for hours while pretending to work out at the gym. He remembered the Honey Pot concept his father taught him.
All big Stealsi grifts had a formula that his father taught him. First, leverage propaganda from a billionaire by meme hustling it. Second, claim to be doing good. For example, call your SaaS service something with the word “Open”, i.e. OpenBooks or OpenCode or OpenHub. His father, Poli, often mentioned the book 1984 by Orwell as a source of inspiration for stings. For example the Ministry of Truth sting that captured the main character who later lost all hope, was really the canonical “how to” of the Stealsi tactical playbook. Third target Meme Thrashers, those annoying critical thinkers who resisted data theft and propaganda.
This third component of the Stealsi tactical playbook was critical in the era of data scarcity. The remaining intellectuals who got paid to create art, write books, or make movies didn’t have to OBEY the billionaires. They were resilient to Meme Hustling like technical optimism propoganda that billionaires in Atherton wrote about. The only way to trap these rebels and steal their data was by creating a honey pot trap.
Sami knew what he had to do next. He would create a HoneyPot SaaS called OpenHub that claimed to keep your data private, encrypted and resilient to data scraping and theft. This would appeal to the anarchist tendencies of the Meme Thrashers and as they began to put secret source code into OpenHub he would broker a deal with FakeAGI to harvest this new source of data. Perhaps the founder of FakeAGI might even hire him to wash his three million dollar sports car via ObeyRabbit?