A satirical farce in the spirit of the comic Captain Underpants
In a very different part of the kingdom a very different little boy didn’t like to OBEY. Raised by his wise and very old grandfather who fought in the Spanish Civil war, little Skeptico didn’t use much modern technology. He didn’t have a smartphone because his grandpappy forbade it and told him it enslaved his mind. Instead of watching TV, he read books, often one a day if they were short, or a few a week if they were longer.
Little Skeptico came home one day excited, “Grandpappy a billionaire is coming to give a talk at our school!”. Grandpappy who was quite old at this point and feeble suddenly sprung to his feet and yelled, “come quickly, I must show you something”. Grandpappy brought out an old fashioned camera and gave it to Skeptico and told him “I need you to take a picture of this billionaire and bring the camera back here right after school. If what I think is true is confirmed by this camera, I will need to tell you a very important secret”. Skeptico got very scared, but promised to do as he was told.
The next day, as the billionaire arrived at his school in a fancy multi million dollar car, he noticed this one was a frequent guest on the Rambo Rogaine podcast. Sometimes his Grandpappy would watch the show with him to point out the Meme Hustlers, Charlatans, Grifters and Soft-Brained jocks and point out each inaccuracy. Afterwards he would also point out the snake oil supplements and laugh out loud at the foolishness of anyone taking these.
The billionaire that showed up at his school had fluffy hair and was a Stanford dropout as many billionaires were. He gave a talk on the future of money and told children to buy his MagicBeansCoin which was a form of digital currency that was supposed to be robust against inflation and make you tough, like a real man. While all the kids in class were taking selfies with the billionaire, Skeptico quickly took out his Grandpappie’s camera and snapped a picture and ran home.
Grandpappy was waiting for him and quickly ripped out the film and went into a special darkroom to develop the film. After nervously waiting, Skeptico was shocked by his Grandpappy yelling from inside the room, “I knew it, they are mutant lizards”. Grandpappy came out and told Skeptico he had long feared that the supplements Rambo Rogaine sold could interact with rare metals found in million dollar sports cars and cause irrevocable genetic mutation. These genetic mutations had now been confirmed and most if not all billionaires are mutant reptiles. Skeptico was so shocked he passed out right there on the spot, and awoke later that night to his Grandpappy putting a warm cloth on his head and laying in bed. He went back to sleep and had a strange dream about Lizard Men….