Little data thief who could

A satirical farce in the spirit of the comic Captain Underpants Grandpappy grabbed Skeptico and told him to drive him to Atherton since it was Friday afternoon and there was sure to be a dinner party where the mutant lizard billionaires would be attending in human form. If he could get them all to regress to their lizard form while live streaming to FailBoatX.social it might wake up humanity to the true threat of mutant Lizard billionaires.

A satirical farce in the spirit of the comic Captain Underpants Grandpappy told Skeptico that he had encountered Lizard mutants before in the Spanish Civil War. Something about the exposure to Komodo dragon saliva mixed with the rare earth metals often found in Italian sports cars created a Lizard mutant. Rambo Rogaine might be selling supplements tainted with Komodo dragon saliva, and these Bay Area Billionaires drive rare sports cars that create the perfect chain reaction.

A satirical farce in the spirit of the comic Captain Underpants As the Stealsi worked with the Lizard Island billionaires to implement project “Eyeball Heist”, Babba had some time to coach little Sami on a key tool of the trade, Propaganda. He explained that many great works of literature, especially ones of a dystopian nature, were inspirational texts for oppression of humanity. Even recent books like Bullshit Jobs, by David Graeber were ideas for smartphone apps.

A satirical farce in the spirit of the comic Captain Underpants Baba, the head of the Stealsi, again called little Sami back to the headquarters. “Sami, you’re only as good as your last data theft. What do you have for me next?” Stammering and confused, Sami grasped at ideas like he was in the deep end of a pool and his floaties fell off. “Couldn’t we just steal people’s identities?” Sami said sheepishly.

A satirical farce in the spirit of the comic Captain Underpants The billionaires arrived at the top secret Lizard Island located in the Indonesian Islands near Komodo, one by one in their multi-million dollar cars, jets, boats, helicopters and even one in a jet suit like the Bond Villains they were. For some Lizards the trip was quite short as they had secret lairs nearby. The “Lizard Boss” arrived on an electric surfboard to cheers, tongue slithering and chest bumps.

A satirical farce in the spirit of the comic Captain Underpants In a very different part of the kingdom a very different little boy didn’t like to OBEY. Raised by his wise and very old grandfather who fought in the Spanish Civil war, little Skeptico didn’t use much modern technology. He didn’t have a smartphone because his grandpappy forbade it and told him it enslaved his mind. Instead of watching TV, he read books, often one a day if they were short, or a few a week if they were longer.

A satirical farce in the spirit of the comic Captain Underpants After so much success, so young, little Sami had come to the attention of the head of the Stealsi, Baba Muskiratatouille. The head of the idea-intelligence section of the Stealsi had a bold new initiative that he wanted Sami on. The idea was for the Stealsi to infiltrate vacation rentals to steal thoughts and ideas as they form. Tiny holes would be drilled into rental properties available through a smartphone app “DestroyLocalCommunities4FunAndProfit”, or DLC for short.

A satirical farce in the spirit of the comic Captain Underpants “Sooie!” yelled Lizardberg from the perch of his treehouse overlooking the mud pit on the Kaui compound. Little Sami had just wrestled a wild boar to the ground and pinned it. It was one of five tasks Sami was assigned on the smartphone Gig worker app ObeyRabbit to earn the reward 1000 likes on the social media FakeLifeGram, including Lizardberg himself and his foundation LizardBro Initiative.

A satirical farce in the spirit of the comic Captain Underpants Little Sami, our “our aspirational data thief” was feeling distraught two weeks after the death of his father, an agent of the Stealsi. Not because his father was dead, but that there was little left to steal that was obvious and easy. Other children of the Stealsi his age had already made big steals. One kid stood in front of his TV and recorded all of the streaming movies he had access to, then uploaded it to the RatPoiGPT chat interface of the company FakeAGI.

A satirical farce in the spirit of the comic Captain Underpants Once upon a time a small boy wished he too could steal books, art, source code, movies, corporate documents, and unpublished inventions. He dreamed of enslaving the population further to the corporate interests of billionaires. Could he too contribute to the vast surveillance that made the population obedient, simple and confused? Yes, he could… The reason he believed he could was because it is what his recently deceased father did for a living.