A satirical farce in the spirit of the comic Captain Underpants
The billionaires arrived at the top secret Lizard Island located in the Indonesian Islands near Komodo, one by one in their multi-million dollar cars, jets, boats, helicopters and even one in a jet suit like the Bond Villains they were. For some Lizards the trip was quite short as they had secret lairs nearby. The “Lizard Boss” arrived on an electric surfboard to cheers, tongue slithering and chest bumps.
The annual “Oppress to Impress Summit” was always well attended. This year the theme was “Obedience 2.0”, or how to further gigify, stupify, and pacify the population with janky addictive technology that kinda worked, but kinda didn’t. It was also a given they would steal data, this was table stakes for any award.
There were all of the usual award categories this year: Fake Self-Driving Car, Dystopian Social Network, Fake AGI, Meme Hustling, Gig Worker Slavery, and Useless Yet Expensive Tech Hardware. Also there was going to be a life-time achievement award this year given to a truly exceptional billionaire lizard.
In the center of the meeting hall this year was a special exhibit of Javan rusa (the deer native to Komodo and the primary component of the diet of the Komodo dragon). There were “oohs and aahs” and much tongue slithering as guests walked by morphing back and forth between mutant lizard and human form. One of the glitches of the genetic mutation from Rambo Rogaines supplements was that exposure to the habitat of the Komodo dragon caused regression to lizard form.
Towards the end of the night, there was a lot of tension and excitement about the lifetime achievement award. “And the winner is, Tommy Chef, a.k.a Two Buck Timbo…”. Tommy Chef, the CEO of PickleSlices strolled up to collect his award and deliver his speech.
“I accept this award on behalf of all Lizard Billionaires around the world creating oppressive, stupefying technology. PickleSlices knows oppression is a team sport, and we could not have developed the PicklePhone without your smartphone apps that turn regular people into Gig workers. Our latest and great innovation, the mind control Cap, or the KomodoCap will be game over for any Meme Thrashers who dare to resist”.
The crowd slithered and roared, and in sudden frenzy ran to the Javan rusa exhibit and devoured all of the deer in a wild feeding frenzy under a full moon.